It’s my birthday, so I wrote this
August 27th
It’s nine days to my birthday and I’m not sure I know exactly what I would like to do on that day. For some weird reason, I honestly think I would just like some peace and quiet. I could blame it on the fact that I’m some light years away from turning thirty (Maybe old age is kicking in) but that would be a lie. I can’t seem to decipher where my desire for a relatively quiet and uneventful birthday stems from.
I remember my last birthday with so much clarity. I had been super excited about the age I was turning, I made such a big deal about it until everyone around me caught on with my excitement as well. I had planned a birthday luncheon with my friends and oh boy! What a lovely time we had.
Now, I ask myself where did all of last year’s excitement go? What changed in the last one year? Although, I can’t tell right now, I do know that regardless I am grateful to witness another year of this blockbuster called my life where I happen to be the main character.
To be honest, one of the reasons I decided to write this piece was because I hoped writing would help bring clarity to my thoughts. I hoped that by the time I was done confronting the blankness of a new Google document, I would be rewarded with previously unknown truths about myself and my current state of mind.
Two hundred and forty four words after and still nothing but will I stop writing? No.
At this point, I think it’s best that I put out a disclaimer; this piece might as well be the most disjointed and incoherent piece of writing you’ll ever come across in your entire life.
Don’t say I didn’t give you a heads up, I did but I know your curiosity will get the best of you hence, I might as well give you a pat on the back now for seeing this through to the end.
Back to the focus of my writing, oh sorry, I totally forgot I haven’t figured that out yet.
A part of me acknowledges that I can choose to be paranoid about the fact that I can’t seem to get a hang of what I’m writing. I mean, what if this is a premonition that the new year would be filled with uncertainty and a lack of direction just like this piece?
You see, a year ago the above might have sent me panicking but strangely I am calm as the blue of the sea as I write this. I have learnt to stay calm. Eureka!
Maybe this is what this piece is supposed to be about; lessons I have learnt in the last one year. Cliche for a birthday piece right? Yeah I know, but who cares?
September 4th
Yes, I really did abandon this piece for a week. Don’t judge me.
Moving on, here goes some of the lessons or things that have stood out for me in the last one year.
September 5th
Lol, don’t ask me why I wrote two sentences and disappeared the previous day, trust me you don’t want to know.
Lesson 1
Life will be life, stuff will happen, things will go wrong, some things will pan out the way you intended while some will not. Regardless of whatever turn life chooses to take, remember that you can control how you choose to react to life and its uncertainties. Choose to dwell on the things that are within your control and leave the things that are not to providence or whatever god you believe in.
Of course, it’s easier said than done and I’ve failed woefully at this especially in the last one year. I know this might sound a little hypocritical but then aren’t we all hypocrites? Again, don’t judge me.
By the way, I believe in the God with a capital G. He’s a great guy and I think you should give him a chance. If you want to know more about him you can tell me in the comments and I’ll reach out to you.
Lesson 2
Friendships are everything.
I wish I could put this on billboards across the world because a lot of people don’t seem to get it. Good friends are everything! As I look back at the last one year, one thing that consistently jumps at me is the fact that I have the best of people in my corner, cheering me on and vice versa.
A while back when life was kicking my butt, my mum looked at me and said “You have really good friends.” That statement has stayed with me ever since and I’ve come to realise that having good friends might just be an indication that I am also a great person and that is quite humbling.
You see, what I’m really trying to say is, invest in your friendships, show up for your friends, love them genuinely, do away with transactional friendships, love your friends genuinely for who they are and not what they can do for you. I’m beginning to sound like a broken record so on to the next one.
Lesson 3
Give yourself grace. Why? You’ll make mistakes, you’ll make decisions you won’t be proud of.
You’re young so you have the tendency to lean towards foolishness sometimes hence, you should learn to forgive yourself and quickly too. Give yourself second chances again and again, don’t stop extending grace to yourself because you’ll constantly need it.
Lesson 4
When it comes to the matters of the heart (romantic relationships), you should know that you can live without anyone. That heartbreak will not kill you, I promise you. You’ll see that ex and feel the nothingness of indifference for them one day. The sound of their voice will no longer mean anything to you someday.
You’ll heal from everything eventually.
While healing, don’t completely shut off your heart to people who are willing to take a chance on you and love you with the entirety of their heart. Allow them love you. Not every time hard guy. Always remember that “you are yet to meet everyone who will love you in your lifetime.” I saw that quote somewhere and it stuck.
Lesson 5
Stop holding on to situations, people and places that no longer serve you. I believe that too many times, we overemphasise the importance of certain people, scenarios and places in our lives, so when we begin to feel a certain level of discomfort we ignore it because we think we can’t do without them.
If someone, something or an arrangement no longer sparks joy for you, sit with yourself and decide if you want to keep allowing room for it. Come to a decision quickly so you don’t begin to resent yourself and the parties involved. Resentment is ugly, so the earlier the better.
Lesson 6
Be quick to express your displeasure. Don’t suck up rubbish simply because you’re a child of God and you want the Holy Spirit to work patience in you. People will take you more seriously if they know upfront that you don’t hold space for nonsense.
See ehn, the people of this world will continually feed you bullsh*t if you give them the impression that they can, so nip it in the bud my dear.
Lesson 7
Your work will bring you a sense of value a lot of things cannot give you, so put your heart into it. It doesn’t matter if your role at the organisation you work with seems to be the most inconsequential.
Give it your very best, pour yourself into it well, except your employer is asking for your “life.” In that case, you should serve them an “I quit” and find yourself another organisation that values your contributions.
Caveat: Please oo, I dinnor say you people should hand in your resignation without another offer or a solid plan ooo. If you do, sapa will press your neck well and you will end up drinking garri with salt. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Lesson 8
Amala with gbegiri and ewedu is LIFE!!!!!!
If you hate amala, I want you to know that you’re on your way to hellfire. Jesus did not die at Calvary to condone such hatred.
Also, those of you who eat amala with ewedu alone have a room close to hellfire. It’s not hellfire but it’s close enough because how can you hate on Gbegiri? She’s such a babe.
Please repent and be saved. Side eye to a certain young man.
Lesson 9
Nigeria will constantly frustrate you, so it’s up to you to continually create pockets of joy for yourself. You are responsible for your own joy, nobody owes it to you.
So my guy, stop “tighting” the world to your chest and laugh deep bellied laughter because whether you laugh or not, Sanwo-Olu will still ban bikes in Lagos, Bolt will still collect #2500 for a trip that shouldn’t be more than #1500, Naira will keep dancing Atilogwu beside the Dollar and Buhari will still express his shock every time there are killings in northern Nigeria.
E be like clockwork, so my guy, LAUGH.
Lesson 10
Prioritise your comfort, there is no award for best in “sufferhead ”when we get to heaven. If outsourcing a task will make your life easier and afford you more time to do things that are of more importance please do so.
Outsource your laundry if you can, do the same for grocery shopping, cooking etc. Don’t outsource your thinking sha oo. In a generation where many seem to simply run along with popular opinion, we need more individuals who can come to logical conclusions on issues by themselves of course, backed up with facts. So yeah, prioritise your comfort and stop glorifying suffering.
Lesson 11
Don’t be looking for what did not “lost.” There’s no lesson 11 and you too like amebo.
You made it to the end. I honestly didn’t think you would.
Is this the most disjointed piece you’ve ever read? I honestly would like to know, so please leave a comment and while you’re at it do wish me a happy birthday.
P.S Please pardon the typos and editing errors in this piece. I didn’t have my editor friend look over because I finished writing late and it would have been short notice for her. Yes, I know I’m a very considerate friend. I can hear you say “You’re just a procrastinator” but I forgive you.
Stay Jiggy,
Temitope aka Tianney, aka the birthday girl.
